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I ask this question because getting my girlfriend to climax from other than oral is near impossible. Is this common? Are some girls really more sensitive down there than others?
I think in the past year, I’ve made her climax… well, maybe I could count that all on my two hands. But it’s not my fault. I have tried everything.. Soft and gentle, rough and kinky. You name it. She, and I’d imagine most all of you women, are just soooo self concious. I have held out for like 40 minutes in the past waiting on her.
I’ll whisper to her. Tell her how beautiful she is. Kiss her gently, kiss her passionately. Whatever. She’ll get into it, but then after so long she just gives up because she starts to worry she takes too long and then from there it’s like all her insecurities are shot and there’s no way of her exploding…
So again, is this just her? Is there any way I can get around this? Things I can do to possibly help relax her. Help her feel more comfortable so she climax’s more often.
I can recall once it was so comfortable that we started talking about our future, and she started crying because she was so happy to be with me. So I know she loves me. But her inability to explode makes me feel like less of a man. And I try so hard to fix this.
(After re-reading this, I feel I should say that orally, I can get her to climax within a very short time, multiple times. The way she describes it, it’s like these bursts that sort of electrify her. Then when there is penetration and she climax’s, she explains it as a great explosion that rumbles and rolls deep inside. So you can see why I’d prefer to make her finish the latter.
What you mention about finding a winning combination…
That doesn’t exactly work for her. I mean, she gets bored quickly. I’ve tried to use the same thing that worked at one time, maybe it’ll work a second time.. But never has worked a third.
She just gets bored of the same-old and wants new things. Which after a year, is very difficult to do new things. At least, new things she’s willing to try. But we won’t get into that. That’s an entirely new topic.
Generally speaking, I’ve taken the liberty of always going down orally first before I even get any sort of, well anything… I feel like if I can’t get her to climax when I’m inside her, I’d be cheating her out of a good night if I don’t start off that oral. Besides, it just makes my part all the better when I do enter her.
As for the vibrator, I’ve bought my girlfriend one in hopes that maybe she could find something she likes and warm-up, so to speak. But the problem is that she doesn’t like using toys. It makes her feel weird. So she rarely whips it out and when she does, nothing works. I mean, she’ll squirm for a moment, but then tell me that she can’t get herself off and the only way it feels good is if I’m stimulating her.
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April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
The vast majority of women cannot reach orgasm through penetration, most need direct clitoral stimulation. The vagina doesn’t have a whole lot of nerve endings inside of it.
What your girlfriend is experiencing is really, really common. Nobody is at fault here. She really just needs to be willing to communicate with you about what feels good and what doesn’t. If she isn’t talking to you consistently in bed you guys are never going to get there. This is not something you can "fix" it takes time and has a steep learning curve. You two sound young, this is especially common with young woman who are exploring with new partners. They don’t know quite how to communicate what they want. Hell, plenty of older woman have problems with that. For all you know you are mashing away on her clit in a manner that she finds totally unappealing – if she doesn’t SAY anything you have no way of knowing.
From now on, please fool around with your girlfriend WITHOUT the expectation of orgasms. Assure her that you will do whatever she wants you to, you won’t hold it against her if she doesn’t get off. Part of the problem she is having could stem from performance anxiety (it happens to women, too!)
Any answers you get here with statments about what is and isn’t "normal" should be totally written off and ignored. When it comes to sexuality (especially for women) there is no such thing as "normal". Is your girlfriend a freak for not liking toys? Hardly.
Read some Savage Love articles. I’ve linked a few below for you.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
not once you figure out what works for your girl. It took a long time to find a winning combination, but now that I now what she needs it is pretty easy.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Women are different and some need manual stimulation rather than coitus to climax.
It sounds like you should get her off orally and then enter her so she can climax that way while you get off also.
I had a girl friend with similar preferences, and it was fantastic, unfortunately she moved away.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
I am the same way, and it still bothers my husband. There are plenty of women who cannot climax without direct clitoral stimulation. The only way I know to have an orgasm during sex is to also use a small vibrator.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Some girls just -can’t-. I’ve been sexually active fore 7 months and still can’t, and only I can make myself orgasm (oral and fingering doesn’t work either when done by someone else, only me masturbating gets me there). My current partner and I have don’t focus on the orgasm, though. I get off in different ways, and I enjoy sex for the closeness and satisfaction that I make him orgasm. I can be totally relaxed and still not come. It kinda sucks in a way, but in a different way I’ve just accepted it and moved on. It used to bother my first boyfriend, but my second and I have worked around it. Pain for pleasure, bdsm for the win.
And females that can’t orgasm are NOT lazy, Ashes, thank you very much. Some can go at it for a good 40 minutes until their goddamn vagina feels like it’s on fire and not orgasm. It’s a anatomical thing.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
I don’t suppose you’ve ever been permitted to learn the truth about all the people that masturbate… but it might interest you to know that infants masturbate (often to orgasm if they do it at all and – rarely – even during the last week or two before they’re born)… that by the age of 12, almost 1/3 of all girls have been masturbating to orgasm at least occasionally for half their lives or more… that at age 15 it’s 2/3 of them who are doing it regularly (many of those are doing it more than once a day)… or that by the age of 20, more than 80% of women are doing the same – regardless of whether they’ve ever had intercourse.
Get her to show you how she masturbates.
It can take a woman anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of hours to reach orgasm… both of these are unusual but normal, and anything in between is just fine. Most can get there in far less than 10 minutes when masturbating.
Just before orgasm, she might have a feeling a bit like she has to pee, but it’s not quite the same, and when her orgasm first happens, there’ll be a very strong (sometimes intense and *powerful*), warm and sometimes tingly feeling that spreads from her clitoris to her vagina and then through sher whole lower body. Then very quickly her clitoris, her vagina, her crotch muscles and her butt-hole will squeeze and pulse a few times while that feeling spreads all over her.
During all this, her heart will beat *very* quickly, her toes will probably curl, her nipples will probably harden and stand up, she might feel like she needs to hold her breath or like she has to breathe really fast, her body will want to tense up and might jerk or shake or shiver, and she might make some noises (grunts, gasps, groans or cries) that she can’t really control. She might "squirt" or "ejaculate" a lot of fluid from her urethra (it’s not pee). The whole time, it’s just about the best feeling there is.
(Everything she "might" feel or do above isn’t always going to happen… some orgasms are much less overwhelming than just *very* pleasureable.)
As that feeling becomes more gentle and starts to go away (after maybe 5 to 20 seconds), her whole body will begin to relax, her skin will flush pinker (especially over her chest) and she might feel sort of like having a nap… or like just lying there and letting her mind drift… or even like doing it again (and again… etc) right away.
It’s not often, but it might happen that there’ll be no interruption at all between orgasms, and it can feel like one single orgasm that lasts anywhere from 30 or 40 seconds to several minutes.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
As a woman that has been married for over thirty years, I have a little experience in this area. Men orgasm through physical stimulation, while women orgasm through mental and physical stimulation. They have to clear their minds of things of the world and completely concentrate on what is happening in the moment and they sometimes have a hard time doing that. It sounds like you are doing everything right, and from experience, orgasm through vaginal penetration is very rare. Oral is definitely the best method, which furnishes both moisture and stimulation at the same time. I always like oral until satiated and then vaginal intercourse to finish his desires.
hope this helps..
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Honestly, as a woman, I’ve never had any trouble climaxing. I really don’t know what’s wrong with these girls who say they never can. And yes, there IS something wrong. It can’t ever be considered normal to lack pleasure during sex when most people have sex simply for pleasure…
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
i know this is a whole lot of tmi but what my husband does it play with my clit while penetrating also. gets me to well i dont want to say it but i will squirt they call it. ( female ejaculation is also what it is referred to) just a suggestion but try doing the playing with the clit while penetrating thing.
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Other females who "can’t" have an orgasm are lazy.
I refuse to have sex with a guy and fake it – because I’m not doing work without results.
I also enjoy masturbating at least twice a day because my orgasms are just grand.
Too bad if you don’t want to explore your own body. If you’re not having vaginal orgasms – then try clitoral end of story- I don’t need a guy to rub anything for me i was born with hands….
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Once you figure out what works for her. If she is self consuious though it may take longer for her to come. Girls normally take longer to get therer then guys anyway
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Well speaking for myself – I get off EVERYTIME. Usually more than once.
Some ladies just can’t, and this one sounds a bit… not that sexual if you know what I mean?
Like, feeling weird about using toys, isn’t very common…
Probably because she’s stressing herself out trying to prevents her from actually having one
April 6th, 2010 at 8:03 am
i’ve been having sex for 13 years. i have never once had an orgasm through penetration alone. i’ve even tried to do it by myself with a dildo. no success. it has nothing to do with your performance, many girls are like this. it’s sounds like you are doing a great job! and the fact that you care so much about her pleasure is wonderful! all guys should be like you! have her rub her clitoris while you’re having sex, that’s what i do! and trust me, it won’t make her feel like you can’t please her on your own.